Dear mamas

Dear mamas

tilt shift lens photo of blue flowers
Photo by Irina Iriser on Pexels.com

Dear mama,

Take time for yourself. When you don’t, they can see it. They see it in the way you frown, the way you speak, the way you treat their father. When you give your all to your children, you have nothing left for yourself. You owe it to you to have something left. I know it is hard. Trust me, I do. You feel guilty for leaving, even just for a little while. Why?

I confessed to feeling like a bad mother when I took time for myself. What was said back to me struck me deeply. I was asked, “Would you think another mother was a bad parent because she went to the store alone? Because she took a bubble bath with the door locked? Because she went to get her hair colored for the first time in months?” Well, no I wouldn’t. So then why do we think that way about ourselves? It is damaging.

When we take time for ourselves, we are feeding our souls. We NEED it. We come back happier. We come back more relaxed and more grateful for our children. Do not be afraid to share your children with others. They need it too. They grow and learn from it. Let those grandparents have the babies. Let those daddies parent on their own some times.

I encourage you as you read this to do something you love. TODAY. Do not take it all on by yourself mama. They see it. 

 

 

 

THE chocolate chip banana muffins

THE chocolate chip banana muffins

These muffins are seriously so good. You’ve heard that before, but these really are, I promise. I worked on perfecting this recipe for a while and once I did, ohhhhh mannn. There was no going back. They are fluffy but slightly crunchy on the outside with so much flavor. These will make your house smell amazing when baking and taste even better! I have had many friends and family members ask for the recipe through the years. Without further ado….lets get to cookin THE best muffins…ever!

 

First, gather your ingredients. Rather sloppily, if you’re anything like me.

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Next, mash up your bananas in a medium bowl. I use a fork. Make sure they are ripe. the browner the better with baking!  And mix in your baking soda. I know it sounds weird and unnecessary, but just do it! It does something to them and makes them frothier. Is that a word??

IMG_3497Now, melt your butter. Yes, a whole stick. I didn’t say this recipe was healthy. I just said it was delicious. You can always substitute with coconut oil if you’d like. Add the butter, vanilla, milk, sugar. and beaten egg. (Also the optional flaxseed meal.) IMG_3503                                                        It should look something like this.

Now, in a separate bowl, sift together your dry ingredients. Flour, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda. Sifting really does make a difference!FullSizeRenderTime to mix the dry ingredients with the wet. DO NOT OVERMIX! I still do all of this with a fork. Just stir until barely combined. (You will mix even more when adding the chocolate chips!)

mix

This looks about right.

Now it’s time to stir in the best part…the chocolate chips! You can also add nuts, raisins, fruit, coconut, or anything your heart desires! IMG_3511                                                                              Glorious!!!

Finally it’s time to bake these bad boys. Use an ice cream scooper to put the batter into muffin tins. A heavily greased muffin tin. You don’t want to leave any extra muffin sticking in your pan! Trust me, you will want it all in your belly.

icecream scoop batter

Bake away!!!! Your house will be smelling so good. Don’t blame me if the neighbors show up.

baked muffins

Look at that! Let them cool for a bit or you WILL burn your tongue. Speaking from experience. Lots of experience.

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                                        THE chocolate chip banana muffins

(Yields about 12 muffins.)

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1.5 cups all purpose flour
  • 1/2 tsp salt (I use kosher)
  • 1.5 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1.5 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 2 large, ripe bananas, mashed. or about 1 c
  • 2/3 c granulated, white sugar
  • 1/2 c salted, melted butter or 1 stick
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1/4 c milk (of any kind. I use almond)
  • 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/4 c ground flaxseed meal (optional)
  • 1 c semi-sweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS

  1. Mash bananas in a medium bowl thoroughly with a fork. Add in baking soda and mix well until frothy.
  2. Melt butter completely and add into banana. Next, mix in sugar, milk, vanilla, egg, and flaxseed (if using).
  3. In another medium sized bowl, sift together dry ingredients. Flour, baking powder, salt. and cinnamon.
  4. Add dry ingredients into the wet and stir just until combined. Stir in chocolate chips.
  5. Using an ice cream scooper or large spoon, evenly distribute batter into greased muffin tins.
  6. Bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes. Enjoy!

****Notes for food substitutions: GLUTEN FREE -swap out the flour for gluten free flour. DAIRY FREE- Use almond milk. Use coconut oil or vegetable oil in place of butter. EGG FREE- make flax egg. OTHER- Replace the white sugar with pure, maple syrup or honey for a healthier version.

 

 

 

 

 

Breast cancer. From a daughter’s point of view.

Breast cancer. From a daughter’s point of view.

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“Honey, I found a lump. I’m going to have an ultrasound, but I know it’s nothing. Please don’t worry.” My heart sank. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was a young child. It had been almost 19 years since then. Now, here I stood listening to her say it was nothing, but wondering if our world was about to be turned upside down again. I had a 2 month old, a 3 year old. My relationship with my mother was better than ever. I needed her. I couldn’t lose her. Not now, not this early. I’m only 22.

My mom had the ultrasound done. They told her it looked okay and to check back in a few months to make sure it wasn’t growing. That didn’t sound right to me. Not with her history. My gut was saying this was wrong. A little time passed and I mentioned her getting a second opinion. It turned out that she wanted one too. She decided to go straight to the doctor from years ago. The one that got her through the first time. She ended up doing a biopsy. My mom assured me this was standard precaution. I knew it wasn’t. I prayed. . We waited. It really is agony waiting on results like that. I can only imagine how my mom felt. She distanced herself. I think it was hard to be around me. We were both very emotional.

My mom was at work. I was home with my little girls. It was the day she was supposed to be getting a call. It was a beautiful day so I put my tiny baby into her carrier. We were playing outside. The sun was shining so bright. None of it calmed my racing mind. I texted her. “Hear anything yet?’’ 3 o’ clock rolled around. “Please text or call me. This waiting is awful.” Nothing. 5 o’ clock. I knew she’d be getting off work. 9 o’ clock. Still nothing. I called my dad. “Is mom home?” “ Yeah, she went straight to her room after work.” This isn’t good. I knew in my heart. I cried. A little while after my husband got home from work, I left. I sat, alone in my car in a parking lot, and sobbed. I told my mom I was coming over. She finally answered me and said not to worry. They would be performing a PET scan. The day of the scan I baked her favorite pecan pie and bought her some new hoop earrings I knew she needed. I left it all on her bed along with a card my daughter made for her. She texted me to thank me. I went to her house later that evening. We cried together in her kitchen as she confirmed it to me. The cancer was back.

She was staying so positive. For me. Always thinking of someone else. How selfless she is. They decided on a mastectomy. The previous time she was diagnosed, she went through it all. Removal of the mass, chemotherapy, and radiation. There would be none of that this time. This was good. This will be simple, I told myself. Her surgery was scheduled for Halloween day. Why so far away? I worried because this would mean waiting weeks. With tears in her eyes, my mom showed me her breast. I tried not to react, but inside I was frightened. Not from the appearance, but from the pain she must be feeling. The unknown of waiting. Her breast was changing rapidly and we both agreed it needed to be removed sooner. The scheduler worked a miracle and moved her surgery to the next week! It was such a relief knowing this would be removed from her body soon. Unknowingly to her, I was constantly thinking of how it could be spreading. Worrying that I could still lose her. Leading up to the surgery, I cleaned my mom’s house, put a la-z-boy in her bedroom and stocked it with DVDs and magazines. I pumped milk for my then 4 month old because even though my mom didn’t want me to spend much time away from my babies, I knew I would. She needed me, but didn’t want me to know it.
The morning of surgery, I picked her up from her house. She looked beautiful. No makeup, 60 years old and more beautiful than ever. She had a white button down shirt on with a silky, salmon colored scarf that was covered in a pattern of ribbons. The little pink ones that you walk past the whole month of October, which it ironically was. They were a constant reminder to me of how strong the woman I came from is. When we arrived at the hospital, she got prepped for the surgery. We met with her two surgeons. They were in good spirits. We all were. This scary thing inside of her was soon going to be gone forever. I asked my mom if she had said her goodbyes. She looked puzzled. “To your boob, mom.” We laughed. I kissed her cheek, squeezed her tight and we exchanged “I love yous.” They wheeled her back and it was time to play another waiting game.

I went home. I needed to nurse the baby and I thought it would take a while before they were finished. About an hour later, they called me from the hospital. The first part of surgery was complete. It would be about one more hour for everything to be done. The surgeon called me and told me everything went great. I went back to the hospital. I wanted to be there when she got settled into her room. One of her best friends was there with me. It was nice to have some company. When they brought my mom in, she was still a little out of it. She was hungry. I fed her some jello and lemon flavored Italian ice. I told her the roles were reversed. “You used to feed me and now it’s my turn.” She chuckled. I knew all of this got to her though. She is a very independent woman. It bothered her for me to see her as anything other than strong. What she didn’t know was that I had never thought of her as more strong than in that moment. How brave she was to me. How amazing to have lived through this disease not once, but twice! I left the hospital that night with plans to be back for lunch the next day.

I cooked a special breakfast for my little family at home when we woke up. I was in the middle of eating my pancakes when my mom called. Her voice sounded strange. “They’re taking me back for another surgery.” There was bleeding underneath her skin. A hematoma. I got ready quickly and headed to the hospital, hoping to catch her before they took her back. I didn’t.

I was the only one in the waiting room. They actually had to come open it up for me. It wasn’t a normal day for scheduled surgeries. This was considered an emergency surgery. That scared me. After what seemed like longer than it was, the surgeon came out and sat down next to me. He told me they cleared out the blood and stopped the bleeding. She would be fine. I wanted to ask him why this happened in the first place or why nobody paid attention to the fact that her skin had been turning black, but I didn’t. Things happen. I knew this. It was over now. She was on the road to recovery. There were a few more, uneventful, days spent in the hospital and it was time to take her home. We stopped at Panera Bread and had lunch. You would never know what she had just been through by looking at her. She had two drains connecting from the surgical site. I reminded her about keeping track of the drainage and she quickly reminded me that she is in fact a nurse. I still didn’t want her doing too much. She is always taking care of everyone, and now it was time for the focus to be on her. She did wonderful. Sure, there were emotional and painful moments, but I dare you to find anyone who complains less.

It’s been 4.5 months since then. I sit here writing this with high emotions. Partly from reliving the details and partly because tomorrow I take her to the next (and hopefully) final surgery. She will be getting an implant. Some may think it’s to have a womanly figure, but not me. I see it as a big F*** you to cancer. It tried to take her life twice, and she is coming out of it with an even bigger appreciation for living, and a new set of tits.

I love you mom! You mean more to me than you know.

Why am I starting a blog?

Why am I starting a blog?

You might wonder what makes a person want to blog. Well, for me it was easy. Why not? As I sit here nursing my 6 week old, I realize more than ever that everyone needs a creative outlet. And a few pairs of hands.

The past few years I have had people ask for my recipes. I have helped other moms with breastfeeding tips. I have been a stay at home mom raising a 3 year old, and just recently a newborn.

Being a mom is hard work. Being a mom in this world we live in now is even harder work. We can all relate. I’d like to create a place where you can sit back, read and take a break from this world. A place where I can make you laugh, make you cry, make you get in the kitchen and start cookin’. Make a difference. But at the end of the day, I’m just a mama.

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